Meet My Hyperfixation: Emily Richard
If there’s one thing that makes my eye twitch, it’s rating on a five-star system. So much room for interpretation left in the space in between stars. One person’s “Five stars, no notes, changed me for good and made me stare at the wall for 20 minutes” is another’s “Fun read–might recommend to my grandma.”
Is the book five stars because it changed your life and might change mine, too or because you felt vaguely excited to sit down and read it before bed?!
A half star feature might alleviate some of this pain, but since no one has responded to my pleading emails I’ve come up with my own system. Feel free to adopt it yourself and then I can start living under the delusion that my own ratings align with those of my Goodreads friends.
One Star
My one star rate is, mercifully, very low. This is 100% thanks to the fact that I am a diehard DNFer (did not finish) and have no qualm jumping ship the second I sense a slow plot, bad writing, or abundant cliches. The only time I’m likely to suffer through an entire book is when they’re book club assignments, and even then it’s more out of spite than anything.
Behold, one of my least favorite books of all time; one that earned my elusive one star review:
Characters: While Jude was sweet and I empathized for his outrageously tragic life, it was hard to relate to someone who essentially had the “glass bones” syndrome from Spongebob. Also, how does one person manage to attract seemingly every toxic person on the face of the planet within one lifespan? It wasn’t his fault, but by the end of it he seemed more sad apparition than real person.
Setting: New York City: a classic, but nothing redeeming for me.
Plot: Thanks to one of the very few people I’ve seen online who correctly criticized this book, it was referred to as trauma porn. Harsh? Yeah. Accurate? Absolutely. I can appreciate a sob story as much as the next gal, but this was next level. It was like I was watching poor Jude be slowly tortured–how does anyone actually hail this as a favorite?! The internet is, in fact, not always right.
Conflict: Everything was a conflict. Very few “silver lining” moments. Life is hard, but good gravy!
Resolution: No spoilers here, but the “resolution” was about as bad as you could imagine. ONE STAR! GET IT OUT OF MY FACE!
Two Stars
Not all of these ratings need to be as in-depth as my abhorrence for A Little Life, but for a recent two star read, we’ll go over what separates it from its numerical neighbors:
Characters: Unbearable. This was sort of the point, but I struggled to make it through some of the dialogue. There was no hero for me to root for, not one, which could have pushed it to a mental 2.5, Goodreads 3.
Setting: Saved the rating, really. A Greek island just wonderful enough to provide some escapism. Though the wind turned out to be an issue.
Plot: Part of the reason this scored so low is probably because Michaelides’ more popular book, The Silent Patient, is one of my favorites–bummer! Where this book was messy and slow and cliche as far as murder mysteries go, The Silent Patient was anything but.
Three Stars
Without even giving a real review, I can tell you this: a book that I give three stars is a book I won’t remember. Doesn’t have to be a book club book for me to make it through, but it’s probably “meh” personified.
Or, as is the case with this one, it can also be “wtf” in book form.
Characters: Cool guys, tortured guys, mostly guys (please just give me one female true lead). The “villain” reminds me a lot of Elon Musk, which works.
Plot: Without giving too much away, it’s overdone time travel. I can only read about a global disaster in gory detail in so many different ways before I beg for it to end.
Resolution: Quick, simple, to the point. Musk gets what’s coming to him.
Four Stars
Now we’re getting somewhere! I’ve been known to give these out like candy, but that’s mostly because I feel guilty giving a mental 3.5 a 3 star rating, but am more likely to save the coveted 5 star spot for those who actually earn it, meaning 4.5 is probably going to be a 4.
Characters: The main character, Lydia, is a young, mixed-race vampire. Are you kidding? Talk about something to catch my attention–it’s basically a grown up Twilight at first glance.
Plot: It’s a truly fresh and exciting take on the vampire trope. Lydia is weird, but not in the Edward Cullen sense. More in a young woman who has just left home for the first time and can certainly be described as socially awkward and unsure of herself, weird.
Conflict: Lydia not only wants to eat real human food–sashimi, ramen, cake, iced coffee, all of the greats–but wants to fall in love without eventually killing her partner. It’s tortured without being redundant, overused, or eye-roll inducing.
Five Stars
Drum roll, please! It’s unassuming and was such a pleasant surprise. I only picked it up because it was on the “Employee Favorites” shelf at my local library.
Characters: Davis is a young, black violinist who was estranged from his Reverend father and sister when he came out as gay. Your heart immediately breaks for him as he’s introduced as a pure soul who misses his family as he simultaneously embarks on the creation of a new one on the eve of his wedding to Everett, an affluent white man with a very tight-knit family.
Conflict: A book that could have consisted of loss after loss, the story addresses the issue of rejection and the balance of loyalty with self preservation and ultimately ends in triumph that reestablishes my faith in the world.
Plot: The love between Davis and Everett is palpable in every conversation. The writing is so sincere without feeling like overkill at any point. Sickness has a way of reminding us of what’s important, and giving those we love the chance to reassess what hills are worth dying on.
This was a book that I said, phew! when I opened the Goodreads app because I knew it wouldn’t take any deliberation on my part. 5 stars is meant for stories like this that make me opt for a bedtime read over doomscroll or reality TV.
Do you have a hyperfixation we can exploit for the company’s amusement? Our superstar PM Margo would be happy to put you on the draft list! Let her know! Like, right now!